I initally intended to write this blog only about the Pope and his recent visit to Israel, but I was reminded of another easy target. Carrie Prejean, Miss California, thinks marriage should be between one man and one woman. I happen to disagree with her, but that isn't the point. I also happen to think she's about as articulate as an autistic toddler. That isn't the point either. The point is she stammered her way through a response detailing her beliefs and was attacked for it. Then some pictures were released that were mild in comparison with what most teenage girls display on their facebook pages. Donald Trump just held a press conference saying that the photos were fine and she wasn't going to be dethroned, or whatever you do a beauty queen. Trump and Prejean both pointed out that President Obama holds the same view with regard to marriage as does Prejean. (Who would have ever thought I'd be to the left of Obama on an issue?) There's nothing the liberals can say about this now. She's right, Obama believes the same as she does. They're just fucking screwed, their savior is on the side of the hateful Christian Miss California. Haha.
On to my original point, the Pope. Apparently he went to Israel and spoke at the Holocaust Memorial there and boy are the Israeli's pissed. 'Israeli critics accused the German-born Benedict XVI of failing to express enough remorse for the Holocaust.' Parlaiment speaker Reuven Rivlin also said, 'The pope spoke like an historian, as somebody observing things from the sidelines, about things that shouldn't happen. But, what can you do? He was part of them. With all due respect to the Holy See, we cannot ignore the baggage he carries with him.' Can everyone give it up already? In Nazi Germany, being defined as a 'youth' meant you were forced to join the Hitler Youth. It's not like the Pope ran out to join, he was a 14 year old kid with no other choice. Well, I'm sure he could've refused to join and have his whole family thrown into a concentration camp. Then, at 16, he was conscripted into the army. He fell ill and wasn't able to even fight. He fucking deserted for christ's sake. For people to run around saying that the Pope was 'part of them' is more than disingenuous.
Let's play a little game of, 'Who Said It?'. I'll provide three quotations, you tell me which one was made by a person being widely and very vocally attacked by Israel, and which two were made by people about whom Israel bashfully complained.
1. 'The Zionist regime is a dried up and rotted tree which will be annihilated with one storm.'
2. 'They [Holocaust victims] lost their lives, but they will never lose their names. These are indelibly etched in the hearts of their loved ones, their surviving fellow prisoners, and all those determined never to allow such an atrocity to disgrace mankind again.'
3. 'Some minorities, descendants of the same ones who killed Christ, took all the world's wealth for themselves.'
If you guessed quote number two, you'd be correct! But since the Pope didn't say 'murder' or 'Nazi', he's just an asshole. Meanwhile, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (quote one) and Hugo Chavez (quote three), have never been blasted this bad. Venezuelans and Iranians are still reading The Protocols of the Elders of Zion as if it were pure nonfiction. I'm not Catholic by the way, so I'm not beholden to stick up for the Pope by any means. I'll poke a little fun just to show you.
A Vatican spokesmen said, 'The Pope was never in the Hitler Youth, never, never, never.' The Pope admitted it himself in a biography, so why the Catholic church thinks that everyone on planet Earth is a fucking retard is beyond me. They're already out of touch with the normal person, blatantly lying is probably not the best thing in the world to be doing right now. It is silly for them to be taking the time to deny something that is established fact when they could open up a discussion about something which is still being debated.
In all the articles I've read on this, some form of this quote was included, 'Newspapers lambasted him for failing to apologize for what many in Israel see as Catholic indifference during World War II.' There is absolutely no consensus amongst anyone, let alone Jews, that the Catholic church was 'indifferent' during WWII. Perhaps the Church should enter into an intellectual, historical discussion about something instead of saying the Pope wasn't in the Nazi Youth even though they're are probably pictures of him wearing swastika underpants that say 'Property of the Fuhrer' on them. It chips away at whatever credibility the Catholic church has left with the global religious community, and furthers their laughing-stock status among the global secular community.
This isn't very interesting, I was just looking for an excuse to read further about the history of WWII and the Holocaust, it's fucking fascinating stuff.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Monday, May 11, 2009
Comedy and Politics...
I've always found that there are different standards when it comes to politicians, the media or really anyone that isn't a comedian telling a joke. I laugh at jokes Obama or Bush tell, but I would spit on a comic telling the same jokes. At last night's White House Correspondence Dinner, Obama said, 'Dick Cheney was supposed to be here but he's very busy working on his memoirs, tentatively titled, 'How to Shoot Friends and Interrogate People.' I chuckled at that because the President isn't a comedian and he's playing along with the little Presidential comedy routine good-naturedly. I guess it's the same thing as when your dad throws out a punny knee-slapper like 'how can a door be a jar?' or 'my friends think I'm a mushroom...you know, a real fun-guy.' Or, I guess it's like giving your dog a treat for sitting down. It's not that fucking impressive, but dogs are stupid and dads and Presidents are generally unfunny, so we give them an A for effort.
Now, when you get a comedian telling political jokes, it can become legitimately funny. The only problem is that once funny things begin to be said, politicians panic and don't want to offend anyone. Even if they think it's funny, they have to try to distance themselves from the whole situation. If I say, 'Go fuck yourself. Just kidding!', everyone is in agreement that I don't really want you to go fuck yourself (even though I do, sincerely, just kidding!). When a comedian speaks, we should be operating under the assumption that everything that person says, is a fucking joke.
The reason I'm bringing this up is because there are two stories in the news today about 'tasteless' jokes and all the fake outrage about them. Wanda Sykes, who I hate and rarely find even slightly amusing, spoke at the White House Correspondence Dinner yesterday. She addressed the fact that Rush Limbaugh said he hopes Obama's policies fail. She then said,"So you're saying, 'I hope America fails' you're like, 'I don't care about people losing their homes, their jobs, our soldiers in Iraq' He just wants the country to fail. To me, that's treason." Poor Wanda is too busy thinking about vaginas to use reason. After that she said, 'He's not saying anything different than what Osama bin Laden is saying.' No, no joke yet, don't be alarmed. Wanda is simply trying to win the 'longest and least funny set up to a semi-funny joke in the world' contest. Here it is folks, the moment you've all been waiting for, the punchline, 'You know, you might want to look into this, sir, because I think Rush Limbaugh was the 20th hijacker. But he was just so strung out on OxyContin he missed his flight. Rush Limbaugh, I hope the country fails. I hope his kidneys fail, how about that? He needs a good water boarding, that's what he needs.'
I'll give you all a moment to pick yourselves up off the floor, you're no doubt rolling around in hysterics. It was sort of a funny line, the long meandering path she took to get to there was a little unorthodox, but so what. And Obama laughed. Who gives a shit? It's another inconsequential side item for everyone to get up in arms about instead of paying attention to things that really matter. Today, the White House, amid major public outcry, said, '9/11 is a topic better left for serious reflection than comedy.' I really hope Wanda Sykes does not apologize for it.
That brings me to the next attempt at humor that is drawing criticism. David Feherty is some Irish guy who used to golf and now lives in Dallas, writes for a shitty Dallas magazine and whispers about putters and seven woods for CBS Sports. It is said that he is known for his wit. I'll never understand how you can say anything witty during golf coverage, but he manages to do it. He was writing an article for D Magazine about George W. Bush moving to Dallas. The tone of the article was obviously comedic, and in the article he said, 'From my own experience visiting the troops in the Middle East, I can tell you this though, despite how the conflict has been portrayed by our glorious media, if you gave any U.S. soldier a gun with two bullets in it, and he found himself in an elevator with Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid and Osama bin Laden, there's a good chance that Nancy Pelosi would get shot twice, and Harry Reid and Osama bin Laden would be strangled to death.' Apparently this is an old cliched joke, a mad lib for whatever people are hated at the moment. That joke has been removed from the article online, Feherty has apologized and the PGA and CBS have roundly bashed him. Again, who gives a shit? It's no amazing revelation that people dislike Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi, just like it's no surprise people hate Rush Limbaugh.
The only problem I have with this is that one person is receiving more widespread criticism than the other. Can you guess who that might be? If you said the middle-aged white guy making fun of Democrats, give yourself a gold star. If you said the black lesbian who was making fun of a middle-aged white guy, you're the dumbest person on the internets and you should seriously consider suicide. Of course Hannity and Beck were railing on Sykes for this, I didn't get a chance to hear any of Rush's show today. Other than those few hosts, I'm not hearing much. Obviously the Conservatives are squawking about it, but no major news outlet has expressed their outrage. The New York Daily News says that while Feherty shouldn't get a free pass, Sykes shouldn't either. It noted the double standard, as I have, but they're going the opposite direction with it. I think they should both get a free pass. There were no threats made, no creepy notes written with letters cut out of a magazine. They were just jokes, and I really don't think anyone should get in trouble for telling them. If they're not funny, the market will dictate how long the person stays around. Wanda Sykes is about as famous as you can get, so apparently people like her brand of humor. David Feherty, well I have no clue who the fuck he is, but I bet my dad does, and I bet he loves his biting golf wit. Shut the fuck up with the phony outrage over words with no intent behind them. Sure, there may be meanness, but just about everything I say is mean spirited and I wouldn't hurt a fly...well maybe a fly. I wouldn't kill a puppy, that's for damn sure.
Addendum: After having listened to all of Wanda Sykes' appearance at the correspondence dinner, I have to say that it was funny as fuck, aside the aforementioned part, which I still think was poorly set up but still a bit funny. She's got balls, I'll give her that, even though she wouldn't take them if they were dipped in gold.
Now, when you get a comedian telling political jokes, it can become legitimately funny. The only problem is that once funny things begin to be said, politicians panic and don't want to offend anyone. Even if they think it's funny, they have to try to distance themselves from the whole situation. If I say, 'Go fuck yourself. Just kidding!', everyone is in agreement that I don't really want you to go fuck yourself (even though I do, sincerely, just kidding!). When a comedian speaks, we should be operating under the assumption that everything that person says, is a fucking joke.
The reason I'm bringing this up is because there are two stories in the news today about 'tasteless' jokes and all the fake outrage about them. Wanda Sykes, who I hate and rarely find even slightly amusing, spoke at the White House Correspondence Dinner yesterday. She addressed the fact that Rush Limbaugh said he hopes Obama's policies fail. She then said,"So you're saying, 'I hope America fails' you're like, 'I don't care about people losing their homes, their jobs, our soldiers in Iraq' He just wants the country to fail. To me, that's treason." Poor Wanda is too busy thinking about vaginas to use reason. After that she said, 'He's not saying anything different than what Osama bin Laden is saying.' No, no joke yet, don't be alarmed. Wanda is simply trying to win the 'longest and least funny set up to a semi-funny joke in the world' contest. Here it is folks, the moment you've all been waiting for, the punchline, 'You know, you might want to look into this, sir, because I think Rush Limbaugh was the 20th hijacker. But he was just so strung out on OxyContin he missed his flight. Rush Limbaugh, I hope the country fails. I hope his kidneys fail, how about that? He needs a good water boarding, that's what he needs.'
I'll give you all a moment to pick yourselves up off the floor, you're no doubt rolling around in hysterics. It was sort of a funny line, the long meandering path she took to get to there was a little unorthodox, but so what. And Obama laughed. Who gives a shit? It's another inconsequential side item for everyone to get up in arms about instead of paying attention to things that really matter. Today, the White House, amid major public outcry, said, '9/11 is a topic better left for serious reflection than comedy.' I really hope Wanda Sykes does not apologize for it.
That brings me to the next attempt at humor that is drawing criticism. David Feherty is some Irish guy who used to golf and now lives in Dallas, writes for a shitty Dallas magazine and whispers about putters and seven woods for CBS Sports. It is said that he is known for his wit. I'll never understand how you can say anything witty during golf coverage, but he manages to do it. He was writing an article for D Magazine about George W. Bush moving to Dallas. The tone of the article was obviously comedic, and in the article he said, 'From my own experience visiting the troops in the Middle East, I can tell you this though, despite how the conflict has been portrayed by our glorious media, if you gave any U.S. soldier a gun with two bullets in it, and he found himself in an elevator with Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid and Osama bin Laden, there's a good chance that Nancy Pelosi would get shot twice, and Harry Reid and Osama bin Laden would be strangled to death.' Apparently this is an old cliched joke, a mad lib for whatever people are hated at the moment. That joke has been removed from the article online, Feherty has apologized and the PGA and CBS have roundly bashed him. Again, who gives a shit? It's no amazing revelation that people dislike Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi, just like it's no surprise people hate Rush Limbaugh.
The only problem I have with this is that one person is receiving more widespread criticism than the other. Can you guess who that might be? If you said the middle-aged white guy making fun of Democrats, give yourself a gold star. If you said the black lesbian who was making fun of a middle-aged white guy, you're the dumbest person on the internets and you should seriously consider suicide. Of course Hannity and Beck were railing on Sykes for this, I didn't get a chance to hear any of Rush's show today. Other than those few hosts, I'm not hearing much. Obviously the Conservatives are squawking about it, but no major news outlet has expressed their outrage. The New York Daily News says that while Feherty shouldn't get a free pass, Sykes shouldn't either. It noted the double standard, as I have, but they're going the opposite direction with it. I think they should both get a free pass. There were no threats made, no creepy notes written with letters cut out of a magazine. They were just jokes, and I really don't think anyone should get in trouble for telling them. If they're not funny, the market will dictate how long the person stays around. Wanda Sykes is about as famous as you can get, so apparently people like her brand of humor. David Feherty, well I have no clue who the fuck he is, but I bet my dad does, and I bet he loves his biting golf wit. Shut the fuck up with the phony outrage over words with no intent behind them. Sure, there may be meanness, but just about everything I say is mean spirited and I wouldn't hurt a fly...well maybe a fly. I wouldn't kill a puppy, that's for damn sure.
Addendum: After having listened to all of Wanda Sykes' appearance at the correspondence dinner, I have to say that it was funny as fuck, aside the aforementioned part, which I still think was poorly set up but still a bit funny. She's got balls, I'll give her that, even though she wouldn't take them if they were dipped in gold.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
And They Said We Were Mind Numbed Robots...
Just before President Obama's inauguration, only 19% of the population had a positive outlook on the economy. Just after his inauguration, that number jumped to 50%. Nevermind that the unemployment rate has been increasing consistently, in December 2008 it was at 7.2%, numbers just released for April, 2009 were at 8.9%, a 25 year high. Even more bailouts have been passed, yet Americans seem to be more optimistic about the future. Why? Is it possible that the water heads who voted for Obama heard the word 'change' and they just believed it regardless of what is actually happening? It's akin to smashing a hammer onto your hand with increasing force and continually saying it will hurt less next time. I have been losing faith in the populace of this country for a long time now, but fucking seriously? The complete idiocy of this country seems impossible to fix and the Obama administration is banking on it.
I read an article in time magazine (http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1889153-2,00.html?iid=perma_share) that detailed just how much Obama is depending on the public staying stupid. During the campaign, Obama had a 'behavioral dream team' commissioned to figure out what 'makes people tick' in order to help Obama win the election. You'd think these people would be advising Obama on policy issues, but as we all remember, that fucker barely mentioned anything about policy. He said change! That must be good right? Oh, what's he going to change? I don't know, but change means something different than what is happening now and what is happening now is that I can't pay my mortgage.This is all old news, but what is in this article is some seriously scary shit.
The basis of Obama's economic policies will be behavioral, not neoclassical economics. For those of you who aren't Ben Stein, here's a short description from the article, 'If neoclassical economics wants government to let us alone to do what we want, behavioral economics leaves room for government action to help us do what we would really want if we were rational agents'. Holy shit. Land of the free? I guess not. Who is to be our compass for this rationale we all obviously lack? Murderers, sexual maniacs, tax cheats and a myriad of other criminals...the United States Government! Apparently, if we were rational agents we'd send lewd text messages to pages, solicit sodomy (or at the very least a nice glory hole session) in airport bathrooms and drunkenly drown our mistresses in rivers. I'll stick to my current behavior if you don't mind. Ah, but they certainly do mind, 'There's new interest in taxing gas, alcohol, electricity and even trans fats to discourage undesirable behavior while closing budget gaps'. Since when is drinking a beer while eating french fries in my well-lit living room undesirable behavior? How in the fuck does the government think they have the right to control my behavior? If I don't drive drunk into a Sunday school picnic, I should be able to drink whenever and however much I want. I should be able to get fat if I want as long as I don't sit on a small child.
The First Lady said, 'Barrack is going to demand that you shed your cynicism, that you put down your divisions, that you come out of your isolation, that you move out of your comfort zones, that you push yourselves to be better'. Fuck that, he doesn't have the right to make demands of me. Last time I check, we're his boss. Imagine if you walked into your boss' office and told him what to do. You'd be fucking fired right? Not Barry though, his idea of 'good behavior' is what is supposed to be the social norm. And as the article says, 'What works is an appeal to conformity' and, 'We are a heardlike species'. When talking about an eco friendly initiative in Oregon, the article says, 'What worked was creating a sense that we're all in this together and you're a social deviant if you don't join us'. Doesn't anyone see how fucking dangerous this is? They turn the office of the presidency into a shrine to pop culture and then expect us to do whatever he says. The article says that 'Michelle Obama's White House garden is meant to urge us toward fresh fruit'. How did we become so weak minded to even give someone the idea that we'd all start gardening if we saw this linebacker with an under bite doing it? The conservatives are always the brainwashed idiots, what about now you fuckers? Now we're social deviants because we pose questions? Oh yes, racists too. Racist social deviants. I know that there is a faction of the Republican party that are brainwashed, but it seems as though more than half the nation has fallen under this spell, and it will result in irreparable damage to our country.
Why am I the only one offended by this? Obama cut $116 billion in payroll taxes but he didn't give it to us all at once. If he did that we'd save our money and that would be fucking preposterous. If we get the money little by little we'll be less likely to notice it. An Obama aid said, 'The idea is to manipulate us into spending the extra cash'. Manipulate us? Are you fucking serious? And how irresponsible is it to be telling everyone to spend money when that is what got us into this shithole in the first place? The whole Obama campaign and presidency have been based not on actually doing something, but saying things to make people think you will. Subtly or otherwise, saying things to give Americans certain ideas with no regard to reality.
Michell has new shoes! Swine flue pandemic! 'Scareforce' one! unemployment at 25 year low, shhhhhh. Obama bought a cheeseburger! Obama got a dog! I'm really excited to have my telescreen installed and my Newspeak dictionary delivered, aren't you?
Pull your heads out of your asses. Seems like a simple enough task since the dangers are so obvious, but apparently not.
I read an article in time magazine (http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1889153-2,00.html?iid=perma_share) that detailed just how much Obama is depending on the public staying stupid. During the campaign, Obama had a 'behavioral dream team' commissioned to figure out what 'makes people tick' in order to help Obama win the election. You'd think these people would be advising Obama on policy issues, but as we all remember, that fucker barely mentioned anything about policy. He said change! That must be good right? Oh, what's he going to change? I don't know, but change means something different than what is happening now and what is happening now is that I can't pay my mortgage.This is all old news, but what is in this article is some seriously scary shit.
The basis of Obama's economic policies will be behavioral, not neoclassical economics. For those of you who aren't Ben Stein, here's a short description from the article, 'If neoclassical economics wants government to let us alone to do what we want, behavioral economics leaves room for government action to help us do what we would really want if we were rational agents'. Holy shit. Land of the free? I guess not. Who is to be our compass for this rationale we all obviously lack? Murderers, sexual maniacs, tax cheats and a myriad of other criminals...the United States Government! Apparently, if we were rational agents we'd send lewd text messages to pages, solicit sodomy (or at the very least a nice glory hole session) in airport bathrooms and drunkenly drown our mistresses in rivers. I'll stick to my current behavior if you don't mind. Ah, but they certainly do mind, 'There's new interest in taxing gas, alcohol, electricity and even trans fats to discourage undesirable behavior while closing budget gaps'. Since when is drinking a beer while eating french fries in my well-lit living room undesirable behavior? How in the fuck does the government think they have the right to control my behavior? If I don't drive drunk into a Sunday school picnic, I should be able to drink whenever and however much I want. I should be able to get fat if I want as long as I don't sit on a small child.
The First Lady said, 'Barrack is going to demand that you shed your cynicism, that you put down your divisions, that you come out of your isolation, that you move out of your comfort zones, that you push yourselves to be better'. Fuck that, he doesn't have the right to make demands of me. Last time I check, we're his boss. Imagine if you walked into your boss' office and told him what to do. You'd be fucking fired right? Not Barry though, his idea of 'good behavior' is what is supposed to be the social norm. And as the article says, 'What works is an appeal to conformity' and, 'We are a heardlike species'. When talking about an eco friendly initiative in Oregon, the article says, 'What worked was creating a sense that we're all in this together and you're a social deviant if you don't join us'. Doesn't anyone see how fucking dangerous this is? They turn the office of the presidency into a shrine to pop culture and then expect us to do whatever he says. The article says that 'Michelle Obama's White House garden is meant to urge us toward fresh fruit'. How did we become so weak minded to even give someone the idea that we'd all start gardening if we saw this linebacker with an under bite doing it? The conservatives are always the brainwashed idiots, what about now you fuckers? Now we're social deviants because we pose questions? Oh yes, racists too. Racist social deviants. I know that there is a faction of the Republican party that are brainwashed, but it seems as though more than half the nation has fallen under this spell, and it will result in irreparable damage to our country.
Why am I the only one offended by this? Obama cut $116 billion in payroll taxes but he didn't give it to us all at once. If he did that we'd save our money and that would be fucking preposterous. If we get the money little by little we'll be less likely to notice it. An Obama aid said, 'The idea is to manipulate us into spending the extra cash'. Manipulate us? Are you fucking serious? And how irresponsible is it to be telling everyone to spend money when that is what got us into this shithole in the first place? The whole Obama campaign and presidency have been based not on actually doing something, but saying things to make people think you will. Subtly or otherwise, saying things to give Americans certain ideas with no regard to reality.
Michell has new shoes! Swine flue pandemic! 'Scareforce' one! unemployment at 25 year low, shhhhhh. Obama bought a cheeseburger! Obama got a dog! I'm really excited to have my telescreen installed and my Newspeak dictionary delivered, aren't you?
Pull your heads out of your asses. Seems like a simple enough task since the dangers are so obvious, but apparently not.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Good News, Rape is Legal!
Well...something like it at least. I know this stupid fucking bank bailout stress test crap is confusing and boring, but I'm going to try and make it fun for everyone. How? By comparing it to rape and the Irish Travelers, of course. It's only comparable to rape in that a person makes you do something against your will. Normally, the consequences of trying to fight are worse than just giving up. Ok...it's sort of familiar. Maybe not every rape, just date rape. It's like you're getting pressured to have sex with Bill, the drunken frat boy. If you don't do it, you'll get the reputation of being a prude and Bill will probably beat the shit out of you. So you give in to Bill because he's stronger than you and the consequences of not doing it are worse than fighting. Hypothetically. (Fuck you, Bill.)
A better example is that of the Irish Travelers. You might remember the dumb show about them starring Minnie Driver and her fantastically large jaw. They go around running scams on stupid people by scaring the shit out of them and convincing them that they need help or their children will probably die. A great scam is one in which the Travelers go to someone's house and inspect it for termites. Wouldn't you know it, there are billions of termites underneath the house and they need to be removed or you're likely to wake up on the bottom floor of the house with shingles on your head. Of course the homeowner believes them, and they're certainly not interested in star gazing from their kitchen floor, so they pay the Travelers to rid them of the infestation. As it happens, there really were no termites anywhere near the house and you've just been had by someone I imagine looking like an overweight, unkempt version of Brad Pitt in Snatch. They scared the shit out of you, gave you the worst news possible and left you with no other choice than to do whatever the experts tell you to do to save your shit.
The stress test looks at the financial situation of each individual bank, and then sees what would happen to the bank if a financial apocalypse happened. Specifically, 10.3% unemployment, a 22% decrease in home prices and and overall downturn in economic growth of 3.3%. They don't know if that will happen, they're just looking at the worst possible scenario. If a bank fails the test, they have to take the money. If they don't want it, fuck them they get it anyway. If they'd like to pay it back, not going to be easy. The government is saying to banks, 'We are going to do a test of your institution and see whether or not your institution will be viable if the worst possibly thing happened to the economy. Who made the test? Nevermind it. We're just going to give your bank a little test, and if you fail it we'll give you money! Hooray for you! No, no, you're not understanding. You have to take it. All your competitors are taking it, you'll be in a really shitty position if they get money and you don't. Sure you can pay it back, as long as you can prove to us that the FDIC will loan you money again and as long as you go along with these rules we've set in place about employee compensation and bonuses! Everyone wins!'
This is fucking insanity. It makes my brain hurt. How in the sweet fuck can the government tell businesses that they absolutely have to take the money they're being offered, and that they aren't allowed to pay it back until the government says so? The banks can do nothing other than take it. The government gets pissed when you don't do what they want you to. 'We're going to do a test so see if you need money. Even if you don't want or need money, we're going to pressure you to take it anyhow, and we're the government. You've heard of a little organization called the IRS right? Say, don't you have quite a few tax credits? That's what we thought. Now, about that money we were so generously offering you...'
It's not really surprising that the government are being bullies, it's just surprising that they're not trying to hide it a little bit.
I'm going to finish working and get ready to go to a baseball game. It's going to be the cutest thing in the world! I'm a fan of the away team, my boyfriend's a fan of the home team, so we're going to be wearing the paraphenalia of opposing teams! Isn't that ironic? I fucking hate myself because I didn't make one word of that up.
A better example is that of the Irish Travelers. You might remember the dumb show about them starring Minnie Driver and her fantastically large jaw. They go around running scams on stupid people by scaring the shit out of them and convincing them that they need help or their children will probably die. A great scam is one in which the Travelers go to someone's house and inspect it for termites. Wouldn't you know it, there are billions of termites underneath the house and they need to be removed or you're likely to wake up on the bottom floor of the house with shingles on your head. Of course the homeowner believes them, and they're certainly not interested in star gazing from their kitchen floor, so they pay the Travelers to rid them of the infestation. As it happens, there really were no termites anywhere near the house and you've just been had by someone I imagine looking like an overweight, unkempt version of Brad Pitt in Snatch. They scared the shit out of you, gave you the worst news possible and left you with no other choice than to do whatever the experts tell you to do to save your shit.
The stress test looks at the financial situation of each individual bank, and then sees what would happen to the bank if a financial apocalypse happened. Specifically, 10.3% unemployment, a 22% decrease in home prices and and overall downturn in economic growth of 3.3%. They don't know if that will happen, they're just looking at the worst possible scenario. If a bank fails the test, they have to take the money. If they don't want it, fuck them they get it anyway. If they'd like to pay it back, not going to be easy. The government is saying to banks, 'We are going to do a test of your institution and see whether or not your institution will be viable if the worst possibly thing happened to the economy. Who made the test? Nevermind it. We're just going to give your bank a little test, and if you fail it we'll give you money! Hooray for you! No, no, you're not understanding. You have to take it. All your competitors are taking it, you'll be in a really shitty position if they get money and you don't. Sure you can pay it back, as long as you can prove to us that the FDIC will loan you money again and as long as you go along with these rules we've set in place about employee compensation and bonuses! Everyone wins!'
This is fucking insanity. It makes my brain hurt. How in the sweet fuck can the government tell businesses that they absolutely have to take the money they're being offered, and that they aren't allowed to pay it back until the government says so? The banks can do nothing other than take it. The government gets pissed when you don't do what they want you to. 'We're going to do a test so see if you need money. Even if you don't want or need money, we're going to pressure you to take it anyhow, and we're the government. You've heard of a little organization called the IRS right? Say, don't you have quite a few tax credits? That's what we thought. Now, about that money we were so generously offering you...'
It's not really surprising that the government are being bullies, it's just surprising that they're not trying to hide it a little bit.
I'm going to finish working and get ready to go to a baseball game. It's going to be the cutest thing in the world! I'm a fan of the away team, my boyfriend's a fan of the home team, so we're going to be wearing the paraphenalia of opposing teams! Isn't that ironic? I fucking hate myself because I didn't make one word of that up.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Cinco de Mayo, Rahm Emanuel and Crazy Britons
I guess the swine flu is over. I can now celebrate Cinco de Mayo sans Sars mask. Today is an example of why I love this country so much. We actually said to Mexico, 'Look, we know you celebrate your independence on September 16th, but May 5th works better for us. So we're going to celebrate your independence on that day. Plus Dieciseis de Setiembre doesn't exactly roll off the tongue'. So happy 'arbitrary date Americans have chosen as the anniversary of Mexico's Independence in order to better indulge their alcoholism' day everyone!
Drudge is now back to reporting on actual news. Well, some actual news and some stories about selling blood, plasma, sperm, eggs, hair and first born children in order to survive in these troubled economic times. Although, hearing that you can sell your eggs for $5,000 a pop does make me rethink my career choice. I have at least an egg a month, I'm not using them for anything and that 5k would be pretty sweet every month. It can't be that hard can it? Holy shit...I just googled it, nevermind.
Like my last entry, and probably most of my future ones, I'm going to use a few quotes. This is mostly to make myself look smart and well read. It's also to try and avoid being unfair or speaking on issues about which I know nothing. You've been warned.
Rahm Emanuel hates being a Jew. Take a look at his boss. (Not the black part, although the blacks aren't known for their love of the Jews. Please refer to the 'hymietown' incident if you think I'm making things up.) I mean the Muslim part. Obama says he isn't a Muslim, but his dad was. And his step-dad. He also seems to be quite sympathetic to them. If you weren't aware, Muslims aren't too fond of Jews which is what started me on this journey of hackneyed psychoanalysis. Rahm said that Iran probably won't do anything with regard to stopping its nuclear proliferation unless those uppity Christ killers in Israel make nice with Palestine. That's a direct quote too. The potty mouth on Rahm...geez. What happened? I thought we liked Israel? Emanuel is basically saying to the world that the only reason Iran has been developing nukes is because Israelis are a bunch of stubborn asshole and that if something terrible happens with an Iranian nuclear weapon, we've only got the Jews to blame. Had those dicks just sat down and had a little talk with Palestine, nuclear war wouldn't have broke out...Rahm, you're Jewish. Your father was born in Israel. I get that it's your gig to do Obama's bidding, but at some point you've got to have some fucking self respect. And you're not the only one, I'm looking at you Henry Kissinger.
On to the crazy Britons. The United Kingdom has decided to release a list of people they have banned from entering their country. On the list are racist murderers, religious fanatics and Michael Savage. I like Savage. I don't always agree with him, but I relate to his passion about everything. So he isn't allowed to travel to the UK because they view him as,'someone who has fallen into the category of fomenting hatred, of such extreme views and expressing them in such a way that it is actually likely to cause inter-community tension or even violence if that person were allowed into the country.' The British are such fucking insane monkeys that the mere entry into their country by a talk radio host will cause rioting in the streets? Get a hold of yourself, English faggots.
Besides the apparent self control issues the British citizenry have, they get the hypocritical cunt of the day award for this dumb ban. The United Kingdom has their own freedom of speech laws, and are also signatories to the European Convention on Human Rights, which says, 'Everyone has the right to freedom of expression. This right shall include freedom to hold opinions and to receive and impart information and ideas without interference by public authority and regardless of frontiers.' So the regardless of frontiers doesn't apply to our frontier? We're supposed to impart the rights of American citizens to terrorists and illegal immigrants, but Britain doesn't have to impart its rights to talk radio show hosts? If the US came out with a list today that banned an English radio host from coming to the country, we'd never hear the end of it. 'So much for land of the free, aye mate?' (Impressions aren't my strong suit.) I understand that they want to ban people who actually say 'I hate all racial and religious minorities and I'm probably going to kill some of them in between my trip to the Houses of Parliament and my ride on the London Eye.' Michael Savage says nothing of the sort, and as a listener to his program, I can attest to the fact that he doesn't incite me into a racist, homicidal rage. He isn't even talking about English politics, what the fuck do they care what he says. Savage is being denied the magnificent sight of 10 Downing Street from 100 feet away behind seven or eight gates and two or three of those big hat wearing British military fruits because he's against illegal immigration? It just goes to show that the US is the best place to live, no matter how big a piece of shit it is at the moment.
Now I'm going to smoke a cigarette and anticipate what is sure to be quite an eventful Michael Savage show.
Drudge is now back to reporting on actual news. Well, some actual news and some stories about selling blood, plasma, sperm, eggs, hair and first born children in order to survive in these troubled economic times. Although, hearing that you can sell your eggs for $5,000 a pop does make me rethink my career choice. I have at least an egg a month, I'm not using them for anything and that 5k would be pretty sweet every month. It can't be that hard can it? Holy shit...I just googled it, nevermind.
Like my last entry, and probably most of my future ones, I'm going to use a few quotes. This is mostly to make myself look smart and well read. It's also to try and avoid being unfair or speaking on issues about which I know nothing. You've been warned.
Rahm Emanuel hates being a Jew. Take a look at his boss. (Not the black part, although the blacks aren't known for their love of the Jews. Please refer to the 'hymietown' incident if you think I'm making things up.) I mean the Muslim part. Obama says he isn't a Muslim, but his dad was. And his step-dad. He also seems to be quite sympathetic to them. If you weren't aware, Muslims aren't too fond of Jews which is what started me on this journey of hackneyed psychoanalysis. Rahm said that Iran probably won't do anything with regard to stopping its nuclear proliferation unless those uppity Christ killers in Israel make nice with Palestine. That's a direct quote too. The potty mouth on Rahm...geez. What happened? I thought we liked Israel? Emanuel is basically saying to the world that the only reason Iran has been developing nukes is because Israelis are a bunch of stubborn asshole and that if something terrible happens with an Iranian nuclear weapon, we've only got the Jews to blame. Had those dicks just sat down and had a little talk with Palestine, nuclear war wouldn't have broke out...Rahm, you're Jewish. Your father was born in Israel. I get that it's your gig to do Obama's bidding, but at some point you've got to have some fucking self respect. And you're not the only one, I'm looking at you Henry Kissinger.
On to the crazy Britons. The United Kingdom has decided to release a list of people they have banned from entering their country. On the list are racist murderers, religious fanatics and Michael Savage. I like Savage. I don't always agree with him, but I relate to his passion about everything. So he isn't allowed to travel to the UK because they view him as,'someone who has fallen into the category of fomenting hatred, of such extreme views and expressing them in such a way that it is actually likely to cause inter-community tension or even violence if that person were allowed into the country.' The British are such fucking insane monkeys that the mere entry into their country by a talk radio host will cause rioting in the streets? Get a hold of yourself, English faggots.
Besides the apparent self control issues the British citizenry have, they get the hypocritical cunt of the day award for this dumb ban. The United Kingdom has their own freedom of speech laws, and are also signatories to the European Convention on Human Rights, which says, 'Everyone has the right to freedom of expression. This right shall include freedom to hold opinions and to receive and impart information and ideas without interference by public authority and regardless of frontiers.' So the regardless of frontiers doesn't apply to our frontier? We're supposed to impart the rights of American citizens to terrorists and illegal immigrants, but Britain doesn't have to impart its rights to talk radio show hosts? If the US came out with a list today that banned an English radio host from coming to the country, we'd never hear the end of it. 'So much for land of the free, aye mate?' (Impressions aren't my strong suit.) I understand that they want to ban people who actually say 'I hate all racial and religious minorities and I'm probably going to kill some of them in between my trip to the Houses of Parliament and my ride on the London Eye.' Michael Savage says nothing of the sort, and as a listener to his program, I can attest to the fact that he doesn't incite me into a racist, homicidal rage. He isn't even talking about English politics, what the fuck do they care what he says. Savage is being denied the magnificent sight of 10 Downing Street from 100 feet away behind seven or eight gates and two or three of those big hat wearing British military fruits because he's against illegal immigration? It just goes to show that the US is the best place to live, no matter how big a piece of shit it is at the moment.
Now I'm going to smoke a cigarette and anticipate what is sure to be quite an eventful Michael Savage show.
Monday, May 4, 2009
Harold Koh: Be Afraid, Be Very Afraid
Ok, so I was looking at Drudge and after the first 1200 or so stories about swine flu, I found one about Obama's nomination to be the legal adviser to the State Department, ,Harold Koh. I couldn't find anything about him that wasn't riddled with right or left wing bias, so I found some writings by our friend Harry via my Alma Mater's online library...oh boy. You know how the European Court of Justice trumps what any individual EU country's court says? That's completely fucked up, right? Not according to Harry. I learned a new word today kids: transnationalism. Specifically, transnational law. Koh counts himself among the followers of Justice Harry Blackmun (one in a line of many terrible Republican appointees) in the belief that, 'the Supreme Court should look beyond the national interests to the mutual interests of all nations in a smoothly functioning legal regime'. It's the Supreme Court of the United States of America, America is a nation, I'm quite sure that the Supreme Court need only concern themselves with national fucking interests. On the other side of this debate are those referred to as nationalists. Koh says that transnationalists, 'tend to emphasize the interdependence between the US and the rest of the world, while nationalists tend instead to focus more on preserving American autonomy'. Let me see if I have this right, transnationalists and nationalists have opposite views. Nationalists believe that America should remain a sovereign nation. That must mean that transnationalists aren't really all that concerned with whether or not America keeps its sovereignty. WHAT THE FUCK!?
How in the fucking world is this the person that Obama is nominating to be the top legal adviser for our country? When will the grovelling end? When will we stop kissing the collective ass of the international community and worry about what is going on in our own country? When will someone finally say 'enough is enough, what the fuck is it with you and these atrocious nominations Barry?'
Harry also wants global gun control! Isn't that lil' law professor cute? Awww...lookit him all naive and hopeful. What's that Harry? You want to create a tracking system for all arms sold throughout the world? Sure Harry, we'll get right on that, would you like a Unicorn horn too? How about a mermaid? I'm sure Harry is a bright guy, you'd almost have to be to become the dean of Yale Law School, but it seems like he has fucking pixie sticks in his head when it comes to this global arms tracking agency. The fucking Super Friends couldn't even pull that off.
With Souter retiring, and six of the remaining eight Justices shitting into Depends while writing legal opinions, this Koh nomination spells disaster for the way the Supreme Court might look in a few years. Oh, the ICC says that capital punishment is illegal? Sorry America, (nevermind individual states...you know what...that pesky 10th amendment, we're goign to throw that thing out) we have to uphold international law. No way, international law also dictates that 12 is the legal age of consent? Alright, we'll take their word for it. After all, the international community has brought us such brilliance as multiple acts of genocide, apartheid, familicide (ok, killing your spouse or kid, I was just trying to be witty and use a bunch of words that rhymed) and numerous other human rights atrocities. But we'll go along with them. Oh, Shariah law is now considered to be valid in the international community? Alright, all you gays that want to get married, we're going to throw rocks at you until you die. What's that teenage girl? You were raped? LIAR! We'll throw rocks at you too. Lovely.
Will someone besides powerless idiots with blogs start bitching about this please? Preferably someone that can stop it. Every day becomes worse. You think it can't possibly get worse, and then Koh happens. There is certain to be a number of Koh's, and I'm certain to open up my computer and bitch about them.
Until then, I'll watch baseball and cry like a little baby.
How in the fucking world is this the person that Obama is nominating to be the top legal adviser for our country? When will the grovelling end? When will we stop kissing the collective ass of the international community and worry about what is going on in our own country? When will someone finally say 'enough is enough, what the fuck is it with you and these atrocious nominations Barry?'
Harry also wants global gun control! Isn't that lil' law professor cute? Awww...lookit him all naive and hopeful. What's that Harry? You want to create a tracking system for all arms sold throughout the world? Sure Harry, we'll get right on that, would you like a Unicorn horn too? How about a mermaid? I'm sure Harry is a bright guy, you'd almost have to be to become the dean of Yale Law School, but it seems like he has fucking pixie sticks in his head when it comes to this global arms tracking agency. The fucking Super Friends couldn't even pull that off.
With Souter retiring, and six of the remaining eight Justices shitting into Depends while writing legal opinions, this Koh nomination spells disaster for the way the Supreme Court might look in a few years. Oh, the ICC says that capital punishment is illegal? Sorry America, (nevermind individual states...you know what...that pesky 10th amendment, we're goign to throw that thing out) we have to uphold international law. No way, international law also dictates that 12 is the legal age of consent? Alright, we'll take their word for it. After all, the international community has brought us such brilliance as multiple acts of genocide, apartheid, familicide (ok, killing your spouse or kid, I was just trying to be witty and use a bunch of words that rhymed) and numerous other human rights atrocities. But we'll go along with them. Oh, Shariah law is now considered to be valid in the international community? Alright, all you gays that want to get married, we're going to throw rocks at you until you die. What's that teenage girl? You were raped? LIAR! We'll throw rocks at you too. Lovely.
Will someone besides powerless idiots with blogs start bitching about this please? Preferably someone that can stop it. Every day becomes worse. You think it can't possibly get worse, and then Koh happens. There is certain to be a number of Koh's, and I'm certain to open up my computer and bitch about them.
Until then, I'll watch baseball and cry like a little baby.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Everyone is Stupid
Ok...I'm pissed again. In a story entitled 'Obama reveling in U.S. power unseen in decades' on the Reuters UK website, they call the change in party by that scumbag Arlen Specter a stroke of luck for the Obama administration. I'm not usually one for big conspiracy theories, but are people that fucking blind? For one thing, Specter has been a Democrat forever. He changes parties whenever he feels his current party affiliation will no longer get him elected. For another, there is no fucking way that the Democrats weren't courting Specter big time. For them to say it was a stroke of luck for the administration shows that they're either hugely naive, or complicit.
I'm pissed off about Specter changing parties too. Even though no Republican worth their weight in dog poo has voted for him in years, it seems pretty fucking dangerous that a Senator can just defect whenever he wants, giving complete power to one party. What also pissed me off is that the Republican party, of which I am no longer a member, is really not saying shit about this. They're in such disarray that they're more worried about knee-jerk reacting to fit whatever they think to be the current political climate than they are about actually doing anything to fix the country. 'Hey guys, it seems like people liked Hillary a lot and she has a vagina. I've got a great idea, let's find another person with a vagina to run with John McCain. Those stupid women will jump ship and vote for her because she pees sitting down!' Sorry dumbshits, not everyone is as fickle as you'd like to think. How about this one, 'Oh, Americans really like black people at the moment, they even elected one to the presidency. I've got a great idea, let's find another black guy to be the head of our party! Those stupid black people will love our party now because there's a black guy overseeing things!' Sorry Republicans, the Democrats have had the market cornered when it comes to pandering to minorities, you're sorely late to the party on that one.
Here's an idea for you, run candidates that stand for something and have a legitimate chance of winning. If you're going to put your muscle behind a candidate like Bobby Jindal, do it because of what he stands for, not because he's brown. If Michael Steele really is the best guy to lead the party, let him lead it. But if you've just jumped all over the first semi-literate black Republican you found, you've made a big mistake. The Republicans should be screaming bloody murder about this Specter switch. They should be raising hell about the completely ridiculous Obama cabinet appointees, namely Janet Napolitano and Timothy Geithner. I mean, I'm not really a fan of Bush, but if he said that the 9/11 hijackers came here from Canada, the Democrats would've commissioned a book, a movie and an independent psychological evaluation to use as fodder for their impeachment attempt. No Republican has so much as called her a dumbass. No complaining about the unprecedented number of executive orders Obama has signed, not one peep about Obama's shameless grovelling to the international community. They think that if they rock the boat they'll lose even more of their following when what Conservatives really want is for them to get passionate about something. Start a fight, take issue with something.
So now, because the Republicans aren't worth a shit, we're stuck with a would be dictator and virtually no opposition party. Why has everyone just given up? Why aren't the people of Pennsylvania causing a fuss? Why aren't Republicans saying anything? Not one of those retards has said, 'Hey people, we're nationalizing tons of industries, the Democrats are about to have a filibuster-proof majority in the Senate, the President is kissing so much foreign ass he's learned seven new languages through osmosis and four or five of the crypt keepers in the Supreme Court are about to retire so we better be vigilant about who we'll allow Obama to nominate'. No one is saying anything because they're too afraid that speaking out against Obama is tantamount to being the Grand Wizard in the KKK (don't even get me started about that, ugh). Someone needs to wake up. The Republicans clearly aren't going to do it, the Democrats won't do it until Pelosi and the boys feel threatened and the general public are all so fucking apathetic and uninformed that all they're worried about is whether the fruit or the kid with the dead wife is going to win American Idol. I'll tell you one thing, blogging most certainly won't help anything :D
I'm going to watch the Tigers and pretend that each day of my life isn't a day closer to communism.
I'm pissed off about Specter changing parties too. Even though no Republican worth their weight in dog poo has voted for him in years, it seems pretty fucking dangerous that a Senator can just defect whenever he wants, giving complete power to one party. What also pissed me off is that the Republican party, of which I am no longer a member, is really not saying shit about this. They're in such disarray that they're more worried about knee-jerk reacting to fit whatever they think to be the current political climate than they are about actually doing anything to fix the country. 'Hey guys, it seems like people liked Hillary a lot and she has a vagina. I've got a great idea, let's find another person with a vagina to run with John McCain. Those stupid women will jump ship and vote for her because she pees sitting down!' Sorry dumbshits, not everyone is as fickle as you'd like to think. How about this one, 'Oh, Americans really like black people at the moment, they even elected one to the presidency. I've got a great idea, let's find another black guy to be the head of our party! Those stupid black people will love our party now because there's a black guy overseeing things!' Sorry Republicans, the Democrats have had the market cornered when it comes to pandering to minorities, you're sorely late to the party on that one.
Here's an idea for you, run candidates that stand for something and have a legitimate chance of winning. If you're going to put your muscle behind a candidate like Bobby Jindal, do it because of what he stands for, not because he's brown. If Michael Steele really is the best guy to lead the party, let him lead it. But if you've just jumped all over the first semi-literate black Republican you found, you've made a big mistake. The Republicans should be screaming bloody murder about this Specter switch. They should be raising hell about the completely ridiculous Obama cabinet appointees, namely Janet Napolitano and Timothy Geithner. I mean, I'm not really a fan of Bush, but if he said that the 9/11 hijackers came here from Canada, the Democrats would've commissioned a book, a movie and an independent psychological evaluation to use as fodder for their impeachment attempt. No Republican has so much as called her a dumbass. No complaining about the unprecedented number of executive orders Obama has signed, not one peep about Obama's shameless grovelling to the international community. They think that if they rock the boat they'll lose even more of their following when what Conservatives really want is for them to get passionate about something. Start a fight, take issue with something.
So now, because the Republicans aren't worth a shit, we're stuck with a would be dictator and virtually no opposition party. Why has everyone just given up? Why aren't the people of Pennsylvania causing a fuss? Why aren't Republicans saying anything? Not one of those retards has said, 'Hey people, we're nationalizing tons of industries, the Democrats are about to have a filibuster-proof majority in the Senate, the President is kissing so much foreign ass he's learned seven new languages through osmosis and four or five of the crypt keepers in the Supreme Court are about to retire so we better be vigilant about who we'll allow Obama to nominate'. No one is saying anything because they're too afraid that speaking out against Obama is tantamount to being the Grand Wizard in the KKK (don't even get me started about that, ugh). Someone needs to wake up. The Republicans clearly aren't going to do it, the Democrats won't do it until Pelosi and the boys feel threatened and the general public are all so fucking apathetic and uninformed that all they're worried about is whether the fruit or the kid with the dead wife is going to win American Idol. I'll tell you one thing, blogging most certainly won't help anything :D
I'm going to watch the Tigers and pretend that each day of my life isn't a day closer to communism.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
What Concerns Me...
Is apparently quite different than what concerns the media. Stories (I use the term very loosely) on Drudge include one about a hotel quarantine in Hong Kong, one that warns of the higher risk of swine flu infection in HIV patients and expresses concern about what would happen if the swine flu were to combine with HIV, and what is undoubtedly an adventure in investigatory journalism, dealing mainly with the cost of Michelle Obama's tennis shoes. Before you stock up on canned goods, bottled water and various other non-perishables,take a second to let me ease your troubles.
In regards to the Hong Kong quarantine, let me remind you that China is a nutty communist country. They kept 300 people locked in a hotel for seven days because of one Mexican guy who tested positive for the swine flu. I wouldn't read that much into the actions of a country whose record includes gems like infanticide, arms sales to Sudan and Tiananmen Square. Any reporting done on this quarantine should be limited to poking fun at the silly, reactionary Chinese. In short, don't expect to be forcibly locked up in a hotel for a few weeks just because it happened in Hong Kong. Feeling better yet?
The next terrifying story, courtesy of the WHO, informs its readers that HIV patients are at a higher risk from swine flu and that it sure would be shitty if HIV and the swine flu had viral sex, resulting in what we've all been fearing...PIG AIDS! Perhaps the WHO isn't aware that 'HIV' is actually an acronym for 'Human Immunodeficiency Virus'. I'm not a doctor, but I'm pretty sure that a person with a deficient immune system if at a higher risk for everything. Now, I don't know anyone with HIV, but I would be willing to wager that they're aware of the fact that they need to take higher precautions when it comes to any type of illness. This part of the story doesn't necessarily concern me, I just view it as wasted space. Their next revelation, from which the Drudge Report headline is taken, is one that doesn't surprise me, just further lowers my already drowning faith in the media in any capacity. Imagine reading this, 'WHO fears complications if HIV and H1N1 viruses combine...' Holy shit! That could happen?! Well, the WHO is there for you, oh worried reader, with vague and confusing information. "Although there are inadequate data to predict the impact of a possible human influenza pandemic on HIV-affected populations, interactions between HIV/AIDS and A(H1N1) influenza could be significant,". There you have it, they don't know what's going to happen, but you bet your ass something might. Stop trying to fucking scare everyone. Any thinking individual knows that people with compromised immune systems are at higher risk of getting sick, and until you know for sure (and can provide significant proof) that the two viruses pose a serious risk of combining, shut the fuck up about it. It's a non story. You don't open your paper every day to stories warning you that because human beings have to breathe to continue living, they are really going to be in dutch if they're under water for a few hours, and that even though there is no evidence to suggest such a thing might happen, if a Seagull and a Bear procreate to form a new flying man eater, you better watch your ass when you're at the beach. In short, don't expect Pig AIDS anytime soon, and if you're unfortunate enough to have been infected with HIV, you're more likely to get swine flu than is the health nut behind the counter at Whole Foods. You must be feeling better now.
Now, on to the shocking report about the First Shoes. That's just the beginning, the awed reader later finds out that Mrs. Obama owns pumps that often cost more than $1,500 and tops that go anywhere from $400 to $1,000. You're shitting me right? The wife of the most powerful man in the free world is well-off enough to afford such lavish clothing? Who is surprised by this? Who actually gives a fuck? I love the response from Michelle's rep, he simply said, 'They're shoes'. The only problem I have with her exorbitant spending on clothing is that she is still among the worst dressed people I've seen. Her only sin is that she has all this money to spend on her wardrobe and she chooses garb that couldn't be less flattering if she were wearing her husband's suits. The particular tennis shoes in question seem to have been acquired from the Ellen DeGeneres line at Macy's. I half expected to see Portia de Rossi come on stage and plant a big wet one on the First Lady (and admit it, it would be way hotter than anything that old bat Eleanor Roosevelt ever did). In short, leave the First Lady alone. As long as she is out spending her husband's money she can't whisper policy ideas into his big ears.
All of these things are non stories. Tell me about possible Obama Supreme Court nominations. Tell me about the economy, the war or the fucking weather. Just leave out bullshit about what those wacky commies in China are doing, how susceptible immune-compromised individuals are to diseases attacking the immune system or what some rich broad is paying for footwear. If you want to scare me, at least report things that should legitimately scare me.
Well, I hope you're all feeling a bit better. I'm going to drink excessively and watch sports. I'll check in again when something else pisses me off.
In regards to the Hong Kong quarantine, let me remind you that China is a nutty communist country. They kept 300 people locked in a hotel for seven days because of one Mexican guy who tested positive for the swine flu. I wouldn't read that much into the actions of a country whose record includes gems like infanticide, arms sales to Sudan and Tiananmen Square. Any reporting done on this quarantine should be limited to poking fun at the silly, reactionary Chinese. In short, don't expect to be forcibly locked up in a hotel for a few weeks just because it happened in Hong Kong. Feeling better yet?
The next terrifying story, courtesy of the WHO, informs its readers that HIV patients are at a higher risk from swine flu and that it sure would be shitty if HIV and the swine flu had viral sex, resulting in what we've all been fearing...PIG AIDS! Perhaps the WHO isn't aware that 'HIV' is actually an acronym for 'Human Immunodeficiency Virus'. I'm not a doctor, but I'm pretty sure that a person with a deficient immune system if at a higher risk for everything. Now, I don't know anyone with HIV, but I would be willing to wager that they're aware of the fact that they need to take higher precautions when it comes to any type of illness. This part of the story doesn't necessarily concern me, I just view it as wasted space. Their next revelation, from which the Drudge Report headline is taken, is one that doesn't surprise me, just further lowers my already drowning faith in the media in any capacity. Imagine reading this, 'WHO fears complications if HIV and H1N1 viruses combine...' Holy shit! That could happen?! Well, the WHO is there for you, oh worried reader, with vague and confusing information. "Although there are inadequate data to predict the impact of a possible human influenza pandemic on HIV-affected populations, interactions between HIV/AIDS and A(H1N1) influenza could be significant,". There you have it, they don't know what's going to happen, but you bet your ass something might. Stop trying to fucking scare everyone. Any thinking individual knows that people with compromised immune systems are at higher risk of getting sick, and until you know for sure (and can provide significant proof) that the two viruses pose a serious risk of combining, shut the fuck up about it. It's a non story. You don't open your paper every day to stories warning you that because human beings have to breathe to continue living, they are really going to be in dutch if they're under water for a few hours, and that even though there is no evidence to suggest such a thing might happen, if a Seagull and a Bear procreate to form a new flying man eater, you better watch your ass when you're at the beach. In short, don't expect Pig AIDS anytime soon, and if you're unfortunate enough to have been infected with HIV, you're more likely to get swine flu than is the health nut behind the counter at Whole Foods. You must be feeling better now.
Now, on to the shocking report about the First Shoes. That's just the beginning, the awed reader later finds out that Mrs. Obama owns pumps that often cost more than $1,500 and tops that go anywhere from $400 to $1,000. You're shitting me right? The wife of the most powerful man in the free world is well-off enough to afford such lavish clothing? Who is surprised by this? Who actually gives a fuck? I love the response from Michelle's rep, he simply said, 'They're shoes'. The only problem I have with her exorbitant spending on clothing is that she is still among the worst dressed people I've seen. Her only sin is that she has all this money to spend on her wardrobe and she chooses garb that couldn't be less flattering if she were wearing her husband's suits. The particular tennis shoes in question seem to have been acquired from the Ellen DeGeneres line at Macy's. I half expected to see Portia de Rossi come on stage and plant a big wet one on the First Lady (and admit it, it would be way hotter than anything that old bat Eleanor Roosevelt ever did). In short, leave the First Lady alone. As long as she is out spending her husband's money she can't whisper policy ideas into his big ears.
All of these things are non stories. Tell me about possible Obama Supreme Court nominations. Tell me about the economy, the war or the fucking weather. Just leave out bullshit about what those wacky commies in China are doing, how susceptible immune-compromised individuals are to diseases attacking the immune system or what some rich broad is paying for footwear. If you want to scare me, at least report things that should legitimately scare me.
Well, I hope you're all feeling a bit better. I'm going to drink excessively and watch sports. I'll check in again when something else pisses me off.
Friday, May 1, 2009
Why I Started This Thing...
The short answer to this question is: Swine flu. (The long answer has a lot to do with the stress my constant hate-filled moaning puts on my relationship and my gastrointestinal health...but I'm sure that will be addressed at a later date.) I'm new to this, so if I ramble just stop reading (not that anyone would read anyhow).
There is so much conflicting information about this stupid flu. Mexico says they've had over 150 deaths, the WHO says there have been less than ten. The Homeland Security wench says closing the border won't help, many other countries have disallowed travel to, and entry from Mexico. Wash your hands frequently, wear a hazmat suit and lock yourself in your house a la Howard Hughes. Don't think twice about eating a suspect churro from a random street vendor, drive past a Taco Bell and death will be imminent. Get it? The reports have been contradictory.
What has me pissed about this is how everyone is politicizing it. Conservatives say it is yet another indicator of Obama's plan to create an EU-style North American Federation, abolish term limits and start throwing black bags over the heads of the opposition and showing them just how uncomfortable water boarding really is. Liberals use it to show everyone just how racist and ignorant the right is and point to it as a warning of the coming Republican-instituted internment camps, wherein anyone with melanin will be held indefinitely.
It's the fucking flu. (I hope you can curse on here. If not, I guess my blogging career will fail miserably.) If you get sick, drink some 7-up, eat some saltines, projectile vomit for a few days and get on with your life.
I do think it's entirely asinine of the DHS head to say that closing the border with Mexico will do nothing to stop the spread of the flu, but I think it has less to do with her political affiliation and more to do with her abysmally low IQ.
Solution: Let the Americans that are in Mexico come back, stop travel to and from Mexico until the threat passes, don't tongue kiss someone who just hacked up an unidentifiable foreign object and go back to worrying about things that really matter. Shut the fuck up about cloaks and daggers, racism, bigotry, impending death and black plague.
Oh goody...I'm now a faggoty blogger.
There is so much conflicting information about this stupid flu. Mexico says they've had over 150 deaths, the WHO says there have been less than ten. The Homeland Security wench says closing the border won't help, many other countries have disallowed travel to, and entry from Mexico. Wash your hands frequently, wear a hazmat suit and lock yourself in your house a la Howard Hughes. Don't think twice about eating a suspect churro from a random street vendor, drive past a Taco Bell and death will be imminent. Get it? The reports have been contradictory.
What has me pissed about this is how everyone is politicizing it. Conservatives say it is yet another indicator of Obama's plan to create an EU-style North American Federation, abolish term limits and start throwing black bags over the heads of the opposition and showing them just how uncomfortable water boarding really is. Liberals use it to show everyone just how racist and ignorant the right is and point to it as a warning of the coming Republican-instituted internment camps, wherein anyone with melanin will be held indefinitely.
It's the fucking flu. (I hope you can curse on here. If not, I guess my blogging career will fail miserably.) If you get sick, drink some 7-up, eat some saltines, projectile vomit for a few days and get on with your life.
I do think it's entirely asinine of the DHS head to say that closing the border with Mexico will do nothing to stop the spread of the flu, but I think it has less to do with her political affiliation and more to do with her abysmally low IQ.
Solution: Let the Americans that are in Mexico come back, stop travel to and from Mexico until the threat passes, don't tongue kiss someone who just hacked up an unidentifiable foreign object and go back to worrying about things that really matter. Shut the fuck up about cloaks and daggers, racism, bigotry, impending death and black plague.
Oh goody...I'm now a faggoty blogger.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
